Thursday, October 12, 2006

Of didgeridoo and scissors

It is a little known fact, dear reader, that in Japan the Didgeridoo is a highly popular instrument. It is likely that if one meets a Super-Cool Man (TM) in Japan, he is a) in a band, b) has a crazy nickname (for example, "Bom"), c) DJs at a club and d) plays didgeridoo. In their totality these are Necessary Conditions for Super-Cool Man(TM)-ness, although not sufficient - one must also have Super-Cool Hair, and a completely unmanly job.

As proof of the perfection of Super-Cool Man(TM), and statistical support for my collection of Theorems on Japanese Manliness, I present to you a sample of 1 individual. Hardly a decent survey, I hear you cry - but this one individual is worth 10 ordinary men, and in any case he is so Super-Cool as to form a sample space of his own. Who is this amazing individual, I hear you cry? Why, my hairdresser of course, Mr. Hishii Takashi.

Before I describe the Trademark Coolness of Mr. Hishii, I should mention that he is the best hairdresser I have ever had. I know, I know, I have a dumb hair style that amounts to a few inches of shag perched on an otherwise half-decent crown, which would do perfectly well if it were just shaved; but you would be shocked at how many idiots charge a fortune to screw up this simple line of greying fluff. For example, I once paid a perfumed nancy in Australia $45 to spend 45 minutes failing to shorten my hair, cut it evenly, or even straighten the lines on the sides, all the while waving his scissors in a dangerous manner. Would Magua, the most beautiful man in screen (especially with that beating heart in his hand!) be anywhere near as completely stunning if his haircut was wonky? And would he be half the man he obviously is if he had allowed the nancy who botched the job to live? Whose heart do you think he is carrying? He might as well look like this! (all correspondence regarding the better looking of these two men should be addressed to the Delightful Miss E, who has opinions on these things).

How did I get to that point ... ah, yes, bad hair. So Mr. Hishii has undoubtedly never cut a mohican in his life before, but he took to it like an Apache to Lacrosse and for a mere $20 I got my hair shortened properly, the length evened, the sides straightened, the scalp shaved close, my neck shaved (a common omission amongst mere mortals), my hair washed, a massage, and my ears shaved. Now that's service!! This is why I know his name, because next time I return to that hairdresser I am demanding the services of the same Super Cool Man. (Incidentally he offered me a shave as well - I am taking him up on that next time!)

So what are the traits of Mr. Hishii which make him Super Cool? Well, first and most importantly his hair is Super Cool. On one side of his head it is a little longer and a little quiffed over (not unlike Brett Anderson in the above picture); on the other side the hair is graded in length to just a little longer than if it were shaved (near the ears) and in this spot, very fetching lines have been shaved into it like tiger stripes or something. The whole effect is very punk, yet overwhelmingly Anime. He also has the Super Cool trait of being very thin, essential Japanese Super Coolness; and he wears a friendship band (obligatory). Other neon signs pointing to Super Coolness are: he regularly hangs out in a club called "Hydro Reaction"; he DJs at a club in nearby Yonago; he has an unmanly job (many Westerners consider hairdressing unmanly, I think); he is handsome; and he plays Didgeridoo in a band in Yonago. These traits mark him as Super Cool. Somewhere in Japan a lonely nerdy girl is undoubtedly writing a Manga that will never be read, about a man like Mr. Hishii. I don't have to write a Manga that will never be read, however, for I have a blog. I bet nobody ignores Mr. Hishii ... If only I were Super Cool too...


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