Kombat Kulcha II
Five weeks ago, before I was struck down with the most ferocious and unpleasant cough ever to eviscerate a human being, I had my last lesson at Kenpo. It was my last lesson because I have discovered to my chagrin that Kenpo contains a good deal more kulcha than kombat. As most of you would be aware, although I have a very limited affinity for kombat I have absolutely no knowledge of or capacity to learn kulcha. Even in English. So when I am at kenpo I am constantly trampling on their many little cultural rules, and they cannot explain them to me because my Japanese is, well, crap. The actual actions of the art I can pick up fairly quickly by trading on my limited affinity for kombat (to learn which no language is necessary, once you have a little experience). I cannot, however, pick up kulcha just by watching, since this would imply some ability to refrain from offending others and, as you all know, I have no such ability.
Having embarrassed myself several times in class for no reason I could quite understand, I went downstairs afterwards and had to stand through 8 speeches by various members of the class, in which I did not understand a single word. I was then handed a pamphlet on the spirituality of Kenpo whcih it will probably not surprise you to learn was written entirely in Japanese. I subseqently discovered that the Japanese in the pamphlet is fiendishly difficult and that the so-called "spiritual sports" have a special language which they use in class, somewhat like the passive voice in English (so maybe one does not punch; a punch is performed). The truth of this latter claim will remain a mystery to me, since I shall not be returning to Kenpo.
Fortunately one of my Japanese teachers has found a kick-boxing school in nearby Kurayoshi. Kickboxing has no kulcha, just kombat, and I already know it. I was due to visit last Wednesday but my lungs spontaneously exploded, so I am going this Wednesday. I will hopefully discover a school with limited kulcha and maximum fitness and kombat. Kurayoshi is an hour by train - but hey, such a journey will be just like being in Sydney! At least if I go there once a week I will get to keep my hand in until I can find a more permanent situation. I am only in Tottori another 6 weeks before I go to Hiroshima for a month, then move to Matsue. So there is no real point in devoting myself to anything at this late stage.
So, I have been defeated in my attempts to learn a spiritual sport. But that's okay, really, because how can a man as completely devoid of spirituality as me hope to understand such a concept in any case? If I may paraphrase another great atheist, I have been all over the universe and been in some pretty tight spots, and I have never seen a situation that couldn't be resolved with a bit of luck and a good Thai kick.
Having embarrassed myself several times in class for no reason I could quite understand, I went downstairs afterwards and had to stand through 8 speeches by various members of the class, in which I did not understand a single word. I was then handed a pamphlet on the spirituality of Kenpo whcih it will probably not surprise you to learn was written entirely in Japanese. I subseqently discovered that the Japanese in the pamphlet is fiendishly difficult and that the so-called "spiritual sports" have a special language which they use in class, somewhat like the passive voice in English (so maybe one does not punch; a punch is performed). The truth of this latter claim will remain a mystery to me, since I shall not be returning to Kenpo.
Fortunately one of my Japanese teachers has found a kick-boxing school in nearby Kurayoshi. Kickboxing has no kulcha, just kombat, and I already know it. I was due to visit last Wednesday but my lungs spontaneously exploded, so I am going this Wednesday. I will hopefully discover a school with limited kulcha and maximum fitness and kombat. Kurayoshi is an hour by train - but hey, such a journey will be just like being in Sydney! At least if I go there once a week I will get to keep my hand in until I can find a more permanent situation. I am only in Tottori another 6 weeks before I go to Hiroshima for a month, then move to Matsue. So there is no real point in devoting myself to anything at this late stage.
So, I have been defeated in my attempts to learn a spiritual sport. But that's okay, really, because how can a man as completely devoid of spirituality as me hope to understand such a concept in any case? If I may paraphrase another great atheist, I have been all over the universe and been in some pretty tight spots, and I have never seen a situation that couldn't be resolved with a bit of luck and a good Thai kick.
posted by Sir S at 11:14 PM
3 Comments:
A swift kick to the nuts, more to the point. So to speak.
Another superb motto is: "there is never any situation that occurs that cannot be avoided through cowardice"
... from the pages of Flashman? The bally hero!
Post a Comment
<< Home